Your Struggles Are Acts of Survival

I am becoming increasingly interested in our human nature and I have found that if you zoom out far enough, humans are honestly a wild success story.

Once upon a time, we weren’t the only humans wandering around. There were other human species; cousins of ours living in ice, forests, mountains and deserts, but we were the ones who made it through. This wasn’t because we were the strongest or the fastest, but because we were the most adaptable.

We learned to:

·      Live in burning heat and frozen cold

·      Make tools out of whatever we found

·      Read the stars, seasons, animal tracks

·      Share stories, warnings and theories with each other

We survived because we could change and we didn’t just adapt our bodies, we adapted our minds. We learned to pay attention to danger, to stay alert, to remember where the tiger was last seen, to notice which plant made us sick and which helped a wound heal. Then we told our children the stories so they’d survive too. Our brains grew around one simple job: stay alive. And our brains are still doing the same today.

When we talk about “mental health problems”, it’s easy to imagine something broken so you might say to yourself:

·      “My brain isn’t right”

·      “I overreact”

·      “I’m too sensitive”

·      “What’s wrong with me?”

But what if nothing is “wrong” with you? What if you’re experiencing exactly what your mind was built to do: adapt to extremes to keep you going? Think about it like this; if a child grows up in a home where anger explodes without warning, their nervous system learns to stay on edge, watch for danger and do everything in their power to keep the people around them from getting angry. That child might become an adult who struggles with anxiety; always scanning, always ready and always tending to others. Although their survival technique may have become a hinderance over time, it’s not random, pointless or wrong. It’s a survival pattern that worked when they were young and has simply stayed with them.

Our ancestors adapted to harsh winters, starving seasons and predators. We adapt to harsh childhoods, losses, breakups, bullying, poverty, discrimination, neglect, loneliness. If the world around us is extreme, our responses often become extreme too. So the problem isn’t that we adapted, the problem is that life moved on and the adaptations didn’t get the memo.

The Good News: Adaptability Works Both Ways

Your nervous system is not fixed in stone, it can learn new ways. You adapted to the pain so you can adapt beyond it too. Start by getting to know the different parts of you and understanding why they act the way they do. Almost always, when you listen closely, even the most “difficult” emotions are trying to say something like:

·      “I’m scared”

·      “I don’t want you to be hurt again”

·      “No one protected you, so I had to”

When we respond to parts of us with curiosity instead of hatred, things start to shift. It opens up a whole new way of relating to yourself. You might see anxiety as a very loyal lookout who has been on duty for years. Numbness as a tired guard who stepped in when things were too much. Anger as an overworked bodyguard who swore never to let anyone hurt you again.

These parts are often stuck in the past, still reacting as if you’re that younger version of you who didn’t have power or choice. Understanding that doesn’t magically make pain disappear, but it changes the story. Suddenly you’re not a broken machine; you’re a clever, overly-stretched survival system that simply needs some updating.

This is a healing process that I use at Clarity Counselling. If you’re curious about working with your inner system to help those strong emotions see that they can soften now, book in for a free counselling consultation today. Just click Book an Appointment at the top of your screen, I’m here when you’re ready.