Anger and the Voice Beneath the Noise

Anger is one of those emotions we’re often taught to fear or suppress. It can feel explosive, unpredictable or shameful; something to keep a lid on or push away. However, anger is rarely the real problem. More often, it’s a messenger calling our attention to something deeper that needs to be heard.

When anger shows up, it’s often protecting something vulnerable beneath it like pain, fear, sadness, disappointment or a deep sense of not being seen or valued. It can rise when our boundaries are crossed, when we feel powerless or when an old wound is touched. In this way, anger is rarely random; it’s telling us, “something’s not right here.”

Instead of listening, many people learn to silence anger; to turn it inward where it becomes guilt or shame and then anger can feel like it is eating us alive. Refusing to listen to anger means it can also be turned outwards as aggressive behaviour. This is because when a part of us feels it is not being listened to, it will naturally become louder. Neither approach helps the anger to soften because they do not help us receive the message that anger is trying to bring to us. When we meet anger with curiosity rather than judgment, that’s when we begin to uncover what lies beneath it.

In therapy, I often invite people to pause and gently explore their anger with prompts such as:

·      If your anger had a voice, what would it say?

·      What does your anger want you to know?

·      How old is this angry part?

·      What is your anger afraid would happen if it softened?

·      What is it trying to protect?

(These also make great journal prompts so you may want to note them down.)

This therapeutic process for anger isn’t about justifying hurtful actions or letting anger take control, it’s about creating space to understand anger. Anger, at its core, is energy. Energy that wants movement, change or recognition. So next time you feel angry, try and create some space where you can explore the thoughts feelings anger brings in a safe way. When we learn to tune into this angry energy rather than fight it, the anger will begin to soften. It sounds counterintuitive but I promise it will!

This process allows the angry energy to become a powerful guide; you will find that anger can lead you back to the pain it is trying to protect. This means you can then heal the source of the anger so anger can transform into a different type of protector; one that feels less unpredictable and uncontrollable. Working with anger in this way in therapy helps us to heal deeply held pain, set clearer boundaries, speak our truth and stand up for ourselves in a way that feels authentic rather than reactive.

So next time anger arises, try and let it be as long as you can keep yourself an others safe. Move into curiosity and discover what it is trying to say. You might find that beneath the heat, there’s something tender- something longing to be loved.

If you would like to try in-person or remote therapy for anger, book your free consultation today by clicking 'Book an Appointment' at the top of your screen.

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