A Gentle Approach to Working with Addiction by Afiya Cunningham

Afiya Cunningham is a mental health intern at Clarity Counselling. If you are interested in joining the internship programme, please email michaela@claritycounselling-services.com

Within society, the demonisation of addiction, and those struggling with it, is commonplace. This results in stigma as well as negative self-image for those battling with the issue. Stigma – a concept coined by social psychologist Erving Goffman in the 1960s – is a biased and pessimistic view attached to a person, based on their background, social characteristics or situation. The way stigma manifests ranges from one-on-one discrimination to structural widespread judgements. An individual being stigmatised can feel alienation and discrimination.

Despite in recent years it being more acknowledged that this stigma does nothing to help the problem, stigmatisation still persists strongly. If decades of shame, judgement and incarceration were the answer to ending addiction, there would be barely any people with addiction struggling today. A method that is much more effective is taking a gentle approach to addiction.

What is a Gentle Approach?

Taking a gentle approach to addiction can involve building a relationship with the addicted part of yourself and working with it, rather than feeling shame towards it from internalising judgement and negative stereotypes. An individual would begin this process in therapy by slowly and compassionately connecting with their addiction part. This allows people to discover what their addiction is trying to protect them from, thus directing them to the wound that likely requires attention and healing.

People with addiction are bombarded with covert and overt messaging about their struggle, telling them it’s a choice that they have made and that they should be ashamed. It is extremely easy for this to turn into a self-fulfilling prophecy or to permanently tarnish their self-image. This means people often feel like they are too far gone and that there is no point in turning their lives around. Contrastingly, a gentle approach would help those suffering with addiction to see that they are capable of change. A gentle approach is more effective than demonising addiction because the work isn’t based in fixing a problem, but understanding the behaviour and supporting it to soften.

Internal Family Systems is a therapeutic approach that helps individuals to heal their addicted part. The idea behind Internal Family Systems Therapy – invented by academic Richard C. Schwartz – is believing that a person consists of “subpersonalities” or parts. Each of a person’s parts has their own individual beliefs, traits and characteristics. To help ring a bell, this idea was presented in the popular 2015 film Inside Out – about all the different parts within a young girl’s psyche, whilst she goes through big life changes.  

For a person with addiction, Internal Family Systems Therapy would mean connecting with their addiction part and hearing its story and what it works to protect the individual from feeling. Approaching the addiction part with warmth and understanding, supports it to soften and allow the individual to visit the wound that addiction is protecting them from feeling. Then the individual is able to heal this wound in therapy and addiction is no longer needed.

Gabor Maté is an expert in the field of addiction, Canadian physician and author. His work focuses around not blaming the person with addiction for going through this struggle. Maté believes that addiction is a result or consequence of traumatic experiences and emotional suffering, rather than something an individual decides for themselves. Maté invented a psychotherapeutic strategy called Compassionate Inquiry which aims to bring to light distressing experiences from youth. This is in order to understand the foundations of the issues suffered by those with addiction or mental health battles.

Maté’s ideas link to Schwartz’s – there would be positive outcomes from thoroughly examining the addicted part of oneself and seeing how it came to be. When giving yourself the empathy you sometimes only reserve for others, you can view your emotions and behaviours through a new lens.

Concluding Thoughts

Someone dealing with addiction should not be disparaged, stigmatised or punished. As these punitive ideas and misconceptions are so commonplace, I believe that is easier said than done. These harmful claims lead to people with addiction internalising them, and thus regarding themselves in a negative light. Taking a gentle approach to addiction could help set aside these ideas, take the strength away from stigma, and leave space for a compassionate and realistic perspective on the self. Rather than demonising addiction, there is something to be said for getting to know why the addiction came about in the first place and recognising that the addiction part has only been trying to help.